The Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency has emphasized that consent in marriage does not end at the wedding altar. The agency warned that intimacy should always be a shared choice and never an obligation.
In a public advisory shared on their X page on Friday, the agency stressed that respecting a partner’s “yes” or “no” fosters trust, love, and safety. They highlighted that “silence is no, reluctance is no,” underscoring the importance of clear communication in intimate relationships.
The agency explained that consent must meet the criteria of F.R.I.E.S — Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. The “reversible” element means a person can withdraw consent at any point before or during an intimate act, and the other party must immediately stop.
The statement read, “Consent doesn’t stop at the wedding altar. In a healthy marriage, intimacy is a shared choice, not an obligation. Respecting your partner’s ‘yes’ or ‘no’ builds trust, love, and safety.”
Reiterating the importance of communication, the advisory noted, “For your information: silence is no, reluctance is no. Consent must be F.R.I.E.S: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.”
Navigating Complexities of Consent: Understanding Withdrawal and Sexual Misconduct in Marriage
However, the agency acknowledged that if discomfort or refusal is expressed only after the act has ended, the situation becomes more complex. While this may not meet the definition of “withdrawal during” the act, it could still constitute sexual misconduct if the initial consent was obtained under pressure, fear, or without full information.
They further clarified, “‘Reversible’ in FRIES means a person can withdraw consent at any point before or during the act, and the other party must immediately stop.”
The agency added, “If someone only expresses discomfort or says ‘no’ after the act has ended, it becomes a more complex situation – it may not fit the ‘withdrawal during’ definition, but it can still be a case of sexual misconduct depending on surrounding circumstances (e.g., if the initial consent was given under pressure, fear, or without full information).”
“That’s why the emphasis is on clear, ongoing, enthusiastic consent throughout. The safest approach (and the respectful one) is to check in and ensure your partner is still comfortable from start to finish.”Stay informed and empowered on topics that matter.
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